Do I wish for switching my brain off,sometimes? Yes,I do. There isn't a single moment of my waken hour,where my mind seizes to think. There are thoughts,so many thoughts, about so many things. If you could read my mind, you'd find how swiftly it thinks and how swiftly it drifts from one thought to another. Sometimes, I want it to switch off. Sometimes, I want to be thoughtless. Sometimes, I want to be shaken and made to realize I had nothing going on in my grey matter.
22 years, in itself has given me enough reasons to think about, but that is clearly not enough. I have to think of the next 10 years and add more reasons to an already taxed brain. Why think of the past, you ask? Who am I without that past? You, tell me. Would you able to shut out your entire past and only think about tomorrow? That isn't even possible, unless of course you're the history cache of the damned desktop. Open History>select items>remove selected items> erase. Done. 4 steps and the browser is clear of the baggage from many yesterdays.
My mind is literally reeling these days. Like the reel of an age old black and white, silent film roll. You know, how the characters on screen would rush around? It makes me laugh, seeing them rush, quite and colorless. My mind, on the other hand, doesn't make me laugh. It makes me want to scream out loud, like rip the brains out and give it a earful on 'STOP. YOU ARE TOO LOUD. I CAN'T THINK STRAIGHT.PAUSE.PLEASE,I AM ONLY HUMAN.ONLY 22.' *phew* Yes, that is what I am feeling within, when on the outside I seem like the calm sea shores on a summer evening.
There is the impending admission to a certain course of future study. At this moment, I have 4 great options. 3 of them will take me to Bombay (a city I have absolutely come to love with every passing year) and one option will have me stay right here, Pune (where I have lived, the last 7 years). NMIMS and JBIMS, in Bombay could be my ticket to "the future". IGTC, could be the ticket to a really "un-prepared future", that will ball into a brilliant journey and achievement of a sound goal. SIBM,Pune will be my ticket to "I really don't know how this will turn out,future". See, the cross roads I am at? My mind is drowning in career prospects. This in turn is breaking me into pieces and I'd really like to put myself back together and get going. Then there is all this gooey mess of friends. Friends from childhood, friends from boarding school, friends who were neighbors, friends from college,friends who have moved away to distant lands,friends I often miss but there isn't a way to let them know,friends I speak to often but their existence makes no difference to my life,a friend who is a lover, friends who do each other and don't want the world to know, friends who kiss and tell the world,zodiac friends,foreign language friends,friends who aren't really friends but people I wish were friends,intimidating friends,over ambitious friends,over achieving friends,lazy friends...so on..Do you blame me for calling all of that a gooey mess? Like that isn't enough, there is the worrying health. Relapse of a health condition, some bleeding. And if that weren't enough, there is family. I would never want any form of solitude for mum. Some say solitude is blissful. Rubbish. It is isolation.And I never want that for mum. Dad and his need to achieve and over achieve. My sister and her phase of growing up. HEY! These are reasons to occupy brain space. *shush* Oh, also remember the guy I met on the bus to Bombay? I haven't spoken to him in a week. He's on a holiday. I wish my phone would ring with his call.
Here, this is what I am listening to, at this very moment. Absolutely loving 'my macho, my stud' Arjun Kapoor. Going by the trailers of Ishaqzaade, he seems so raw and you know what they say about raw..raw is healthy. Okay I made that up. Anyhoo, I am crushing pretty severely on this one. So, here is Pareshan, http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bf5WO0NnADM . Drool over the song, it is beautiful. The voice is so earthy and the song is haunting my mind. To make it just 'the' number, there is Arjun.
Later,
Miss Rascal.
22 years, in itself has given me enough reasons to think about, but that is clearly not enough. I have to think of the next 10 years and add more reasons to an already taxed brain. Why think of the past, you ask? Who am I without that past? You, tell me. Would you able to shut out your entire past and only think about tomorrow? That isn't even possible, unless of course you're the history cache of the damned desktop. Open History>select items>remove selected items> erase. Done. 4 steps and the browser is clear of the baggage from many yesterdays.
My mind is literally reeling these days. Like the reel of an age old black and white, silent film roll. You know, how the characters on screen would rush around? It makes me laugh, seeing them rush, quite and colorless. My mind, on the other hand, doesn't make me laugh. It makes me want to scream out loud, like rip the brains out and give it a earful on 'STOP. YOU ARE TOO LOUD. I CAN'T THINK STRAIGHT.PAUSE.PLEASE,I AM ONLY HUMAN.ONLY 22.' *phew* Yes, that is what I am feeling within, when on the outside I seem like the calm sea shores on a summer evening.
There is the impending admission to a certain course of future study. At this moment, I have 4 great options. 3 of them will take me to Bombay (a city I have absolutely come to love with every passing year) and one option will have me stay right here, Pune (where I have lived, the last 7 years). NMIMS and JBIMS, in Bombay could be my ticket to "the future". IGTC, could be the ticket to a really "un-prepared future", that will ball into a brilliant journey and achievement of a sound goal. SIBM,Pune will be my ticket to "I really don't know how this will turn out,future". See, the cross roads I am at? My mind is drowning in career prospects. This in turn is breaking me into pieces and I'd really like to put myself back together and get going. Then there is all this gooey mess of friends. Friends from childhood, friends from boarding school, friends who were neighbors, friends from college,friends who have moved away to distant lands,friends I often miss but there isn't a way to let them know,friends I speak to often but their existence makes no difference to my life,a friend who is a lover, friends who do each other and don't want the world to know, friends who kiss and tell the world,zodiac friends,foreign language friends,friends who aren't really friends but people I wish were friends,intimidating friends,over ambitious friends,over achieving friends,lazy friends...so on..Do you blame me for calling all of that a gooey mess? Like that isn't enough, there is the worrying health. Relapse of a health condition, some bleeding. And if that weren't enough, there is family. I would never want any form of solitude for mum. Some say solitude is blissful. Rubbish. It is isolation.And I never want that for mum. Dad and his need to achieve and over achieve. My sister and her phase of growing up. HEY! These are reasons to occupy brain space. *shush* Oh, also remember the guy I met on the bus to Bombay? I haven't spoken to him in a week. He's on a holiday. I wish my phone would ring with his call.
Here, this is what I am listening to, at this very moment. Absolutely loving 'my macho, my stud' Arjun Kapoor. Going by the trailers of Ishaqzaade, he seems so raw and you know what they say about raw..raw is healthy. Okay I made that up. Anyhoo, I am crushing pretty severely on this one. So, here is Pareshan, http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bf5WO0NnADM . Drool over the song, it is beautiful. The voice is so earthy and the song is haunting my mind. To make it just 'the' number, there is Arjun.
Later,
Miss Rascal.
