Realization

I'd like to believe my first symptoms of Ulcerative Colitis cropped up in 2007, soon after there was a lot of turmoil in the family. I had come across things that I could not have disclosed and that lead to a lot of internal trauma. August, 2007 my first bout of colitis. I bled for a good 2 months before I sort medical aid. Many Many different types of antibiotics were consumed by the year end. And, the condition was brought under control. A very worried mother promised me that she would make sure nothing would cause an aorta of stress to me ever again and she lived up to her promise.  It was the summer of 2009, when family issues resurfaced and I tried my best to cope with my internal worries. The universe decided to play its cards, right then. A relationship started to sour. For no rhyme or reason, 6 months of horrid torture was faced. By myself. Without a word spoken out loud, I gulped a lot. I'd like to believe those 6 months were the worst of the worst. Parents contemplated psychiatrist help. Friends contemplated a change of scenario. No one really gauged how deep the hurt was this time around. Another bout of severe bleeding hit during semester exams in 2009. Yet, another round of doctors and many antibiotics were consumed to control the unknown condition. But, that really did it. Those 6 months really worked on me physically. Lost about 7 kgs and health showed every sign of fatigue.That wasn't it, though. Came tortorous 2010. Everything boiled over. I finally had the worst bout. I bled profusely for a month before I couldn't take it anymore. I remember running out of an important meeting at work. I bled for a good 15 min and when I entered the conference room again, ,my boss huffed and puffed at how unprofessional I was. I didn't bother with an explanation. By the end of that week, I braved myself to google search my condition. S, was the first person I called. I cried and I wondered how I would face telling my parents what I was possibly suffering from. My pillar of strength she is, we planned and decided and I finally spoke to my parents about it. Crazy frenzy it was. I saw in and out of hospitals the most in Nov-Dec 2010. I wouldn't wish such an experience even for the worst enemy. They managed to point out what the condition was and termed it 'ulcerative colitis'. On medication for the rest of my life. And my only healwell remedy- 'no stress' what so ever. That's when I rewound and figured why in the first place I had developed the condition. All those times, I carried my emotional baggage, it deteriorated my immune system. Everytime I thought I'd keep quite and let issues sort out of itself, I damaged my self a tad bit more. The medicines did wonders and over the last two years, I have bled rather occasionally. Only when I consumed super heaty food items, like certain wines or turkey.

However, then came first semester MBA and I have bled more number of times the last 6 months than the last 2 years put together. Again, I rewound and I could actually put down dates for everytime I bled. 17th August, 4th October, 21st October and 23rd November. Of these, I blamed 17th August and 4th October on the cheap alcohol I consumed during ladies night. However, thinking back, it really wasn't the alcohol,but these two days had severe internal turmoil. There had been fights and perhaps after 2 years, that stress really shook my system. 21st October was again a day of severe internal turmoil and it was topped by a darned Statistics exam that I couldn't understand head or tail of. Peaked stress. Then 23rd November too.

Earlier, I made it a point to remain calm in all situations. However, now, untill I see the pot water turn red, I don't realize I am stressed. Emotional stress aggravates my colitis. My dear colitis. My blessed doctor only says one thing everytime he meets me, 'Cut the stress loose.'. Dear Doc, tell me how I could do that? Tell me how and I would share it with the world. We'd all live in a healthier world, for sure. Away from all the life long medications.

-Miss Rascal. 

Know that you're special..

Hey Honey,

I know there come, sometimes such turns in life, where we meet the unexpected. These times teach us lessons that we don't quite gather at the first go because we are too upset to notice the bright side of the matter. But, you should know that everything life offers has a purpose and more often than not, it is for your own benefit. If it weren't for the choices we have made till date, we wouldn't be enjoying some of the best things that have happened to us. For everytime, I whine about taking up this particular MBA program, I do realize I have made some very deep and last forever kind of relationships here. So, for everytime you regret taking a decision, know that you always gain and never really lose.
You're a great son. There is no doubt about that. The only gem and one that is more precious than any treasure in the world. Parents only want one thing, for their children to be happy. So for every decision you take, make sure it makes you happy because their happiness solely depends on yours.
You're a great friend. One that has stood by friends at their worst, at their best, when they were right and even when they were wrong. Agreed, this support you offer, isn't always acknowledged but they say, liberties are taken only with the ones we truly love. Your friends love you, even if they don't convey it as often as you'd like.
You're a great companion. One that is a strong pillar, one that exudes such addictive warmth and love, it is impossible to make do without it. You're loved SO much for who you are. Not for what you are, but who you are. Not for the things you do, but because you have a heart of gold that thinks of doing the things you do. For wearing your heart on your sleeve and never failing to be the perfect one in the relationship. You're valued more with every passing day.
Above all, You're an excellent person. I don't know many that bring intelligence, wit, talent, passion, love, understanding, sensibility and sensitivity together, the way you do. You're a league apart and always remember that.
Don't let small setbacks pull you down. You have a long and succesful future ahead of you and these intital setbacks should be your biggest motivators to pull yourself together and go achieve. You lack nothing. Know that you're special and the future is for you to rule. Be crazy, take chances and when life offers you lemons, ask for salt and tequilla.

Love *aaaachhoooo-runny nose* you,

Miss Rascal.

2 on 3

23 Resons why 3rd has come to hold such importance in my mundane life and why I love 'US'

• I developed a crush on him at a point I was least expecting myself to.
• As eerie as it may sound, things fell into place without any frame work
• Like a puzzle, waiting to happen, every day of this initially fit in SO well...I didn't even realize when the crush developed into something more stronger
• I kissed him before I gave this relationship a title. Not sure if it was an inebriated me or what, but this guy raised my comfort level like never before.
• Because I wanted to say yes to him within weeks of him asking me out. Somehow I managed to stretch that to about a month and a half. BUT can you imagine? Within weeks
• Because right from the very first day, this had an odd sense of familiarity. There were hardly any 'stranger' moments.
• Because I let quite a few walls down and opened up about quite a few things to him. For how little a time I have known him, it is commendable.
• Because he makes me do everything I don't want to do.
• Because I actually eat dum aloo and love it . Me? with my cannibalistic taste buds.
• Because my fingers never tire of 'whats app-ing' him.
• Because I check my phone a billion times a day waiting to hear from him.
• Because I am in SO much love, I am shocked at how crazy this is.
• For every crazy/stupid/nonsensical/required fight we have, we haven't gone without talking for a day. Well, almost one day. But, I choose not to consider that.
• I love how I know he would say many things out of anger, but he wouldn't quite quit on me that easily. (atleast I hope he doesn't)
• I love that he can be my guiding light. That he can actually pull me up from the dumps.
• I love how casual we are with each other. Taking liberties profusely and not being bothered about drawing lines.
• Its insane when we are doing great, we are at the peak of Mount Titlis and when we come across a bump, we are all out to pull each other down. But, what is precious is the time after we are done sorting it out.
• I have successfully managed to 'make out' at not 1, not 2 but 4 washrooms. Who would have thought?
• I love how mature he is most of the times and an absolute over grown baby all the time. He's my perfect amalgamation of brawn and brain. Of humor and spite. Of just everything spicy and nice.
• I love that I can get lost in his hugs and never be satisfied by just one.
• He knows exactly what to say to hurt. I love that. It shows he knows me well.
• I love the way we kiss.
• I love that we laugh SO much and our conversations range over a myraid number of topics.
• I ADORE HIM. I ADORE US. 

Thinspired

Reading a lot of blogs on 'Being Skinny'. I would like to go back to being 10 kgs less than what I am at the moment. 2009, I weighed 48. We termed it the dream weight. This one time, shopping at one of my favorite jeans brands, I walked in with 'need a 30 waist size'. I tried 4 fits and 2 sizes and finally settled for a 28 which was still loose around the waist. I don't think any shopping experience has made me happier. The sales lady absolutely aware of how thrilled I was..went on to tell me how disappointed she was for not having a 27. I bought two pairs and got one free that day. Sigh, call me vain but I despise the shape I am at the moment. I want my 28 inch waist, my flat stomach and my most treasured thigh gap back. Unfortunately the health is keeping fine. Had I been colitis struck, I would have bled the weight out. Unfortunately mental trauma is not peaking it either. I have thought of binging and purging. But, my dad's threat of sending me to a psychologist keeps me away from adopting that method. Damn you, MBA. I can't fit a gym routine either.

FAT and UGLY.

     

Ellen and Portia

For those days of obsessing over E n P.

S and I would go over interviews, especially their wedding videos and awww every second of it. We were both dating straight men and in happy relationships. And we would ponder over if we would ever have a perfect relationship like E and P. Today, we have moved out of those relationships and we are at different stages but we still obssess over E and P. You see, we are normal straight people living roller coaster relationships that are ruled by love more than anything else. We don't understand why being gay is such a taboo? If there are two people who love each other this much, why cant they live their choices without being looked down up on?

I wish the future generations will create a free willed open minded society. One that accepts love beyond sexuality and societal biases.

Ellen Degeneres and Portia De Rossi