A milestone

To feel such happiness within seconds is unbelievable. For me such happiness really arises only when it involves some crazy feat by family or me myself. That goose-bumpy, tummy in knots feeling when one of us achieved something we dearly wanted. My explanation for such a feeling is simple, when we have a common goal and we see how much this means to the other person, knowingly or unknowingly you're channeling all your wishes in hoping they achieve what they want. And none of that is felt unless, the person is closest to your heart, where in your happiness lies in theirs and theirs in yours. 

This evening was one such moment for me. One phone call later, I was lying in bed, staring at the roof and not knowing what to do about all the happiness I couldn't contain. Was I to yelp in joy, shed happy tears or what? Then I met him and heard of the achievement from the horse's mouth himself. Sigh! Such sheer happiness. 

Of course I never doubted his capabilities and like everyone who knows him, I know he's headed places. Yes, it is normal to try and fail and be disappointed over the failure time and again. The thing about achieving something after having failed multiple times is, the win is so much more sweeter and all the struggle seems so much more worth it. 

One of the major milestones,among the many many to come, I hope each of them is crossed with greater success and gain. I can't wait to experience all those tummy knotted happy moments of his future achievements and to see the happiness, twinkle in his caramel brown eyes. 

*clink clink* to knowing my happiness lies in his. 

One less smile

How often did I speak to him? Often? Never. Did I know him? Yes, of course. Did he make a difference? Yes, he did. How often do you meet someone, handicapped by sight but jovial beyond measure? He was that guy. A year junior to me and I interacted with him only during an academic summit we were hosting. He was the genius behind it. Every year, the college admitted a few students under the handicap category. Year after year, it were these students who redefined genius for the rest of us. He was no less. I personally didn't know anyone in college who smiled the amount he did. Actually, I don't remember seeing him without a smile ever. Intelligent, tall, good looking and the smile always. We often said, if that guy wasn't blind and if the girls were really just human, he would have been the ultimate babe magnet. Usually seen with girls, who were just more willing than the boys,to help him around. Not like the boys didn't help. He had two guy friends who were his best buds. Never saw the trio without each other.
He was definitely the smartest in the junior batch and one to come up with some genius ideas for us seniors to work with. Very jovial and always one to call your name if you passed by. Loved by the faculty, classmates and the seniors. C'mon, none of us got that lucky.

Last night when I received a text saying someone was in dire need of blood, little did I know how much I could have helped. Being an universal donor, I despise myself for being too damn fragile to be fit enough to donate. Or maybe I hide under the excuse because I am too darned scared of a god damn needle. Last night, he fought for his life on a surgery table, for blood. No, he didn't make it. Abdul Razique Khan didn't make it. I don't know, if it were because of lack of blood. All I know is, he fought for his life last night while I slept completely unaware, even with a smart phone on hand. I don't know if he would have made it, had he got the blood on time. All I know is, I wouldn't have felt the punch in my stomach, knowing that in our current times, where the world is filled with uncertainties of all kinds, we could have used that positive smile. Call me selfish, but we needed that smile to believe the world is still worth living in.

I hope there does exist a heaven and he hope he finds himself a very cozy spot there. I hope he looks down and continues to spread the contagious smile for he is going to be missed by a lot of people who know that we are less of one very precious smile.

Rest In Peace. :'(

iMiss :'(

Ek ghar basaane chahata hoon,
main tumhare saath.
Kya doogi mere haathon mein,
bolo tum aapna haath?


Khushiyon se ghar ko sajaoonga hamesha,
daftar se bhi main waqt pe aaonga hamesha.
Laoonga main thode taaza phool bhi,
Karoonga main puri har khushi,
Maanoonga main manoonga,
manoonga har ek baat.


Kya doogi mere haathon mein,
bolo tum aapna haath?


Chanda aur sitare laoonga teri khatir,
tum joh kaho main woh gaoonga teri khatir.
Chalo yeh bhi tumse vaada hai mera,
chahoonga main tumhe toot ke.
Jitna satao ya rulao tum,
jaaonga na kahin rooth ke.

Aaonga main aaonga, aaonga tere paas.

Kya doogi mere haathon mein bolo tum aapna haath?

SO smitten by this song. Also, new found loop-ing 'Mera Tumhara' from the same album, Socha Na Tha.

Its amazing.

10/01/13 Our first mutual goal achieved.

When the crowd cheered and for a moment there, everything was quite and I focused on one face. He was ecstatic. Taking time to realize it, but happy nonetheless. Again, being a true senior, he rounded his team, cheered them and then had his individual moment of joy. How often do you get to see such humility in a game? I wouldn't know. It was the first for me. Our first win.

Hey! I may sound a tad over board, but I am excited because I took interest in this game and I don't know how the finals will turn out, but today as of this moment, we won a match and that is pretty much a deal for me.

To take up something together, for the first time and actually winning it together as a team, that, right there is reason enough for me to be over the moon.

To many many more mutual goals and many many more wins, *clink clink* 

We win some and we lose some.

I sat through multiple games of cricket today. For the first time, in so many years, I was bothered to follow the game and enjoy it too. You want to know why? Because the game means SO much to him. Months back I was told about the premier league at the institute and over the months after that I noticed how much he loved the game and many a times, I thought I would try to read about it and learn. However, if adorable Rahul Dravid and cute Yuvraj Singh couldn't get me to learn about the game, reading about it online was just a *yawn*. Then I thought, maybe I would contribute and buy a team. So, I started with a lot of haste, asking him silly questions about the game and then once he spoke for about 45 minutes, explaining minute details of the game, to me. I confess, I didn't understand all of it, but it surely caught my attention.

I did contribute a meager amount and buy a team and as a cherry on the cake, I bought him too. I think it would have crushed all my learning spirits had my team not been able to buy him at the players auction. This sweet sense of knowing, I own him. Call me crazy but I have such a sense of ownership, at the moment.

Today, we had our first game. Although, we didn't perform to our best abilities. I watched him play and boy! I didn't want us to win because it was our team or because winning is such an achievement. I wanted us to win because I could see how much he wanted to win. For a little while there, he was a little aggressive and I hoped he wouldn't lose his cool and he didn't. He played, put in his efforts, he was disappointed at the end of the game and he did sulk for a while but the best part is, he didn't brood. He was over it and back to normal in a jiffy. (So mature, no?) I love that. I love that about him. I love how sure he is of himself and how he knows what he is worth.

It made me so happy to see him play, to take on the court the way he did. I am so happy, I am taking an interest in the game, for his sake. If not today, I am sure we'll have a future time and moment where we would really discuss a game of cricket and all its aspects. And, when that happens, I'll know it was this phase at college and it was him, who really got me interested in this sport. It will always be because of him.

Lobster

Among all the turmoil I felt, same time last night and all the indifference I felt this morning, when I woke up. Among all the regret in the head and such deep sadness in the heart. Among everything I told myself I didn't want and everything I really wanted..among all that chaos in the head, I didn't once think hearing my name from the one voice my ears were craving for all day would make all the haze in my head clear out in a matter of seconds. Believe it or not. The one person I didn't want to as much as bump into was the one person I was dying to see.

I tried, very very hard to not let him affect me. I kept my gaze low, tried to pull away from the warmth of his palms, tried to not let my heart melt when I heard the quiver in his voice. I sat there, listening to him plead guilty and say sorry. Did I want him to be sorry? Yes. Did I want him to be guilty? No. Did I enjoy seeing him in that state? Hell No. The harder I tried to cut away, the harder I pulled closer. Here was someone I didn't want to see ever again and he was exuding the same vibe, that I needed the most.

Sometimes, life in all its experiments, makes us cross paths with people/person who will in a strange manner capture us and then life as we know it, will change. I have crossed that path and I am more than captured. I am owned. Life as I knew it, has changed. Today, in all my 'cant-be-bothered' state, my name on his lips is all it took for me to go weak in my knees and want him more than ever before. Of course, I was pricey. Not because I wanted him to plead, but I was testing my ability. For the first time, I was not disappointed by my lack of ability. Can I do without him? No. Do I want this forever? Yes.

Season 4, 90210, that last episode where Naomi and Max finally reunite and where she barges into the venue and tells him she has always loved him and he goes to her later with the quiver in his voice and the wet eyes, to tell her he has always loved her too, That moment right there..with the beautiful backdrop and the gorgeous 'oh so much in love' twosome, I couldn't help but feel that perhaps how I felt this evening is how Naomi would have felt. Ah! The crazies.

This is crazy. This is more than just a bond. This is way more than I expected. This, I don't have words to describe. Have I found my lobster? Only, Time will tell and I cannot wait to discover, yes I did.