Realization

I'd like to believe my first symptoms of Ulcerative Colitis cropped up in 2007, soon after there was a lot of turmoil in the family. I had come across things that I could not have disclosed and that lead to a lot of internal trauma. August, 2007 my first bout of colitis. I bled for a good 2 months before I sort medical aid. Many Many different types of antibiotics were consumed by the year end. And, the condition was brought under control. A very worried mother promised me that she would make sure nothing would cause an aorta of stress to me ever again and she lived up to her promise.  It was the summer of 2009, when family issues resurfaced and I tried my best to cope with my internal worries. The universe decided to play its cards, right then. A relationship started to sour. For no rhyme or reason, 6 months of horrid torture was faced. By myself. Without a word spoken out loud, I gulped a lot. I'd like to believe those 6 months were the worst of the worst. Parents contemplated psychiatrist help. Friends contemplated a change of scenario. No one really gauged how deep the hurt was this time around. Another bout of severe bleeding hit during semester exams in 2009. Yet, another round of doctors and many antibiotics were consumed to control the unknown condition. But, that really did it. Those 6 months really worked on me physically. Lost about 7 kgs and health showed every sign of fatigue.That wasn't it, though. Came tortorous 2010. Everything boiled over. I finally had the worst bout. I bled profusely for a month before I couldn't take it anymore. I remember running out of an important meeting at work. I bled for a good 15 min and when I entered the conference room again, ,my boss huffed and puffed at how unprofessional I was. I didn't bother with an explanation. By the end of that week, I braved myself to google search my condition. S, was the first person I called. I cried and I wondered how I would face telling my parents what I was possibly suffering from. My pillar of strength she is, we planned and decided and I finally spoke to my parents about it. Crazy frenzy it was. I saw in and out of hospitals the most in Nov-Dec 2010. I wouldn't wish such an experience even for the worst enemy. They managed to point out what the condition was and termed it 'ulcerative colitis'. On medication for the rest of my life. And my only healwell remedy- 'no stress' what so ever. That's when I rewound and figured why in the first place I had developed the condition. All those times, I carried my emotional baggage, it deteriorated my immune system. Everytime I thought I'd keep quite and let issues sort out of itself, I damaged my self a tad bit more. The medicines did wonders and over the last two years, I have bled rather occasionally. Only when I consumed super heaty food items, like certain wines or turkey.

However, then came first semester MBA and I have bled more number of times the last 6 months than the last 2 years put together. Again, I rewound and I could actually put down dates for everytime I bled. 17th August, 4th October, 21st October and 23rd November. Of these, I blamed 17th August and 4th October on the cheap alcohol I consumed during ladies night. However, thinking back, it really wasn't the alcohol,but these two days had severe internal turmoil. There had been fights and perhaps after 2 years, that stress really shook my system. 21st October was again a day of severe internal turmoil and it was topped by a darned Statistics exam that I couldn't understand head or tail of. Peaked stress. Then 23rd November too.

Earlier, I made it a point to remain calm in all situations. However, now, untill I see the pot water turn red, I don't realize I am stressed. Emotional stress aggravates my colitis. My dear colitis. My blessed doctor only says one thing everytime he meets me, 'Cut the stress loose.'. Dear Doc, tell me how I could do that? Tell me how and I would share it with the world. We'd all live in a healthier world, for sure. Away from all the life long medications.

-Miss Rascal.